Ask-the-Evening Coach Independence Session
Our conversation for this session of Ask-the-Evening Coach is related to Independence, Neva from Baltimore, Maryland writes One of my goals for this year is to become more independent from my estranged spouse. As well as become friends with him at the same time. This might sound contradictory – I hope not. What do you think Carlos?
Neva, what are you trying to do? Are you trying to become independent or are you trying to maintain a connection between you and your estranged spouse with the hopes of something eventually rekindling again? Are you aware that you became estranged because one if not both of you have grown apart from each other? The affection is lost and the magic is gone. Whatever events took place brought you to where you are now, alienated, unaffectionate, and emotionally torn. Torn between two emotions, The emotion of wanting to get away and to be free again, and the emotion of still wanting maintain that connection you built over the years.
It is not easy to walk away from someone you have connected with. It never is, and it never will be for either person. No matter how much you both loved and then hated each other, there will be a part of you both that will miss the connection developed and the life you shared. You need to learn to accept the fact that you are walking a newfound freedom that you have not felt in a very long time. You will have to start learning how to tear down and sever those emotional bonds you took so long to build up.
I would not recommend trying to do anything that would give you the false impression that there still may be a chance. You are only looking to create more problems for yourself down the road. If you end up meeting someone who is in sync with you, part of you will still be connected to your estranged spouse. And if you are not able to wholeheartedly give yourself to whomever you meet, then you are bound to repeat the cycle. That is not a healthy way to live.
In order for you to become more independent from you estranged spouse, you will need to keep yourself busy and interact with other people. Emotions are strong and they don’t dissipate easily. Your challenges will come when you are alone and relaxed and when you allow your mind to wander. Your mind will more than likely always reflect on the strongest emotional memories you have. And right now, it seems they will all lead to your estranged spouse.
I would not recommend that you get involved with someone else. You would be substituting someone else to fill the part of your estranged spouse as you begin to transfer your feelings from your estranged spouse to your newfound love. This doesn’t benefit anyone in the long run. Find something you can become passionate about. Something you see results from and something that will give you the satisfaction to bring up your lowered self-esteem.
If you are wondering when you will know if you are completely over him, simply imagine him with someone else. If you find yourself become emotional about it, say for instance, sad, angry or depressed, then you still have deep emotional connections. I’m not saying grow cold toward him, but you do want to accept the fact that you two are no longer one spirit in mind and heart. Remember that time will heal all wounds.
Once you are able to convince yourself that removing the bonds that held you both together is best for you, then the option for friendship will arise. For the most part, you cannot become “just friends” after maintaining an intimate relationship for many years. You don’t need luck in this endeavor, you just need focus on what is best for your mental health and your future. You will overcome only if you are willing to do so. It is not the end of the world and you will eventually meet someone else who will fulfill your needs. So just keep your head up high, smile because you are happy, and be happy because you are in control of your life living for yourself and not for someone else’s benefit.
Ask-the-Evening-Coach w/Transformational Success Coach Carlos Rafael Cruz
Ask-the-Evening Coach is a program is dedicated to enriching, empowering, and forwarding the growth of your life, career, or business, by answering your questions to overcome your obstacles or challenges in life.
If you have a question you would like to ask your Evening-Coach, then visit our website at www dot A Path To Success dot com to submit your question. I always welcome your feedback, comments and any suggestion you may have. Be sure to attend our next session of Ask-the-Evening Coach.
Carlos Rafael Cruz is a Transformational Success Coach, Speaker and Author of the “The Big Book on Achieving LARGE GOALS”. Carlos, of A Path To Success, is a master of getting people focused, organized and passionate about succeeding in life and in work.
Carlos is able to engage people to help them make direct and meaningful changes in their lives.
For more information on keynotes and workshops or to book Carlos for a speaking engagement, contact us by visiting www.apathtosuccess.com.
Do you Need Advice or Direction?
Dear Growth Seeker:
I hope things are going well for you in these challenging economic times. With February already upon us, I would like to know how you are doing with working toward your goals? Is it coming easy for you? Are you discovering obstacles? Are you unsure about how to overcome them? Or are things going well? Are you looking for ways to do things more efficiently?
How would you like me to help you increase your chances for success and fulfillment for 2009? I would like to invite you to send me your most pressing question and join me for our Ask-the-Evening Coach tele-seminar. This seminar dedicated to your success and your future.
If you are not a regular attendee of these monthly tele-clinics, then you are missing out on invaluable information to help move you forward. Ask any question, you have nothing to lose and tons to gain.
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Have a question now? Visit: http://www.apathtosuccess.com/forms/ask_us
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About this Seminar
Ask-the-Evening Coach is a member generated content-rich call. Let me use my experience and expertise to answer as many of your questions as I can. This is just one more tool for you to use so you can create a more success-driven and fulfilling future for yourself. If you have never participated, now is your chance to listen to this intensive monthly call and get ready to take in as many new ideas as possible on how to create success for yourself.
Even if you cannot attend the tele-seminar, consider registering to receive the information on how you can download a recording of the tele-seminar. You have nothing to lose and lots to gain concerning your future!
Information for attendees:
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RSVP for Wednesday, February 11th
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WHAT: Ask Your Evening Coach 45-minute tele-training
DATE: Wednesday, February 11th (10 am PST / 1 pm EST)
COST: No-cost for the LIVE call (option to download a recording of the tele-seminar)
RSVP: http://www.apathtosuccess.com/forms/ask_us
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I look forward to hearing you on the call.
Onward,
Carlos Rafael Cruz, CEO and Founder, A Path To Success
Rules for Managing Your Life
How do you feel about the world around you? Do you feel as if you are alone and isolated, lost in the vast expanse of space? Do you feel choked and constricted by the pressures and stresses that exist in your life? No matter what you feel, you are not where you are supposed to be. And that is at ease and in balance.
What do you think about after you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed in the evening? How many of those thoughts that you have carry a negative connotation? Carrying a negative thought has the ability to dominate your thought process. It also has the ability to control how you will live and plan your life.
If you find yourself having more negative thoughts than positive, you are probably letting the environment around you control and dictate how you live life. This doesn’t happen overnight. This process is incremental. Little by little, the small bothersome things that you disregard as unimportant have accumulated because you have not properly dealt with them. And when you allow yourself to get to this point, your behaviors and your attitude will change accordingly. How you carry your thoughts will determine what road you will take in life.
The Decision
Are you willing to make the decisions necessary to make things happen in your life? More than likely you are in this negative state because you failed to make a decision to do anything in the first place. The first thing you should understand is that when you don’t do anything, there is no change. Change happens when you cause it or because you allow it.
You need to be willing to confront, and deal with whatever you have been ignoring for this long. You begin the process by making the decision to start thinking positive. Find a way to turn your thoughts into a positive thought. If you are worried about finances, stop yourself from worrying about finances. Instead, concern yourself with options that can overcome your financial misfortunes. Any thought that is negative can be made positive. You will have to decide to make that first change. Otherwise, any further guidance will not matter.
Many find my observations as a catalyst for change in their life, but it is up to you to keep your flame of passion for self-improvement burning.
Foolishness is Expensive
Being foolish doesn’t necessarily mean you are dumb. It simply means that the decisions you made lacked good sense. For whatever reason, when you had the chance to make a sound decision, you chose not to. It happens to all of us, it is not worth beating yourself up for. You may have the tendency to start beating yourself up once you discover how you didn’t make the best decisions you could have. All you have to do is acknowledge the mistake and move on. Pondering the past will only add to the negativity you are trying to rid yourself of.
The sooner you convince yourself of the benefit to start making wise decisions, you will start to save ________. This can be emotionally, physically or financially. Foolish decisions will always cost you. Some of these decisions may not cost you too much, some will cost a lot and you may feel it for years to come.
Sound Investments
If you want to start making sound investment decisions in your life, you will need to become as focused as possible consistent with what you want to achieve. Making sound investment decisions requires only that you complete three objectives. These objectives are Recognition, Intention and Mission.
When you begin, you will need to recognize two points. The first point and most importantly, is that you NEED to make a modification in your life. You are not recognizing that you necessarily have a problem. Simply, that you need to modify the way you are currently living your life. The second point is identifying what needs modification in your life. For you to properly recognize what needs to be modified, you will need to identify where you believe the problems are. Grab a pen and pad and write down the top five things you are not satisfied with in your life. By doing this you are recognizing that you need to modify the way you do things in your life. Some may want to modify things immediately. Others, may want to stop being dormant and complacent with decisions which require action.
When you write down your top five, make sure the points you are listing are points that you have control over. I’ll write it again, make sure you have control over what you need to modify in your life. This is very important, because many will write down things related to change at a community, city, state, federal, or global level. I would highly recommend that you NOT do this. Concern yourself with YOU. If you are not sure how you should prioritize your life, let me provide some assistance. I believe that in order to properly get and keep yourself on your path, your focus should be kept on: (1) Yourself, (2) Your Family, (3) Your Obligations, (5) Your Friends & Neighbors, (6) Your Community and so forth. If you are not at an optimal level in your life then you cannot be an asset to anyone else. Adequate balance in your life will allow you the ability to properly care for others.
Once you have written down your top five. Briefly describe why and/or how you believe you have ended up here. You need to be able to write this in a paragraph. The explanation needs to be short and focused. If you continue to write without limitation, it is likely that you will write pages and probably lose your objective.
Intention & Mission Investments
With your first objective completed, you will have to decide what it is that you need to do. Do you need to modify a habit? Learn to take action? Or increase ability by further educating yourself in a particular area in your life? Your answer is in front you. It will usually be the inversion of what you just wrote down. This is where we go from negative influences to positive reinforcement. On a separate page, for each negative point you wrote down, write down what you want to achieve. It shouldn’t be anymore than a sentence or a few words. You should write it in an action form. It should begin with “I will. . .” There is no need to begin your sentences with anything else. I believe “I will,” says it all. This identifies which person is responsible for the action and that person is YOU. It shows that an action will be taken. Not an action that you wish to take or will eventually take, or will hopefully want to take. “I will” is a definitive statement.
Your mission statement will be the most difficult of all your objectives. Here you will have to force yourself to find your solution. You will have to compare what you have done in the past and how you will need to change it in order to make the necessary change. Don’t think you have to do this alone. Feel free to talk with other members of your family, your friends, or your neighbors. You already know what you want to achieve and you have a very good idea of how you got there. Seek others to help you overcome challenges in your life.
Once you know what you want to do, you will need to reorganize your points into bullet points. Each point representing a step or a milestone you have to achieve in order to accomplish your goal.
Quality of Life
You deserve to live a life a happiness, joy, prosperity, love and understanding. But you can only live this life if you maintain a positive mindset and a well-balanced life. Don’t be fooled by thinking that just because you ignore a malady that it will go away on its own. It won’t. It will find a way back to you and more than likely it will bring company when you least expect it. We live in a nation where we do not have to concern ourselves with the basic worries or fears citizens of other non-industrious nations face. And in doing so, we become complacent, lazy and dormant. I believe that is dangerous. I have been guilty of this, and I do my best to ensure I do not follow this path. We all have much to offer, but will not achieve this if we continue to sleep when we should be taking action. I believe you are in a position of imbalance because you have not properly focused on what matters to you. You have not properly discovered who you really are and what your beliefs are. And I do not mean beliefs that someone else has recited to you.
There are really only two basic choices in your life. One choice is that you will manage, direct, and accept responsibility for your actions. The other is you will allow someone else to manage and direct your life while still holding you responsible for your actions. See the world for what is really is, a place of opportunity. And see yourself as the key to your future achievement. Wake up and realize that no one will ever do this for you. It is up to you to make positive changes in your life.
Do you have trouble with achieving your goals?
Do you wonder why you cannot get things done? Do you feel powerless at times? Would you like to learn how to organize your life so you can set goals and achieve them as well?
If so, then read The Big Book on Achieving Large Goals. Carlos takes you through a complete systematic process to identify the various areas of your life that contribute to success or failure.
Whether it is your career, your family, your spouse, or even your life you want to improve, then this book will help you achieve your goals. Carlos believes you have the potential within you to achieve great success in your life.
The Big Book on Achieving Large Goals is the first real guide on how to properly prepare and identify goal setting for maximum and long lasting achievement. Find the passion, the excitement and the inspiration that lies within you. Gain the freedom to achieve what you want to achieve. Learn a system that you can use throughout your life. Stop wishing and start making life what you want it to be.
There is nothing stopping you from achieving your dreams, except you.
Pre-order now and get 25% off the list price using the following URL: http://www.apathtosuccess.com/the_big_book_on_achieving_large_goals.cfm
A Little Emotion Called FEAR
How often does your FEAR get the best of you?
Have you ever wondered why you have not been able to move toward your some of your accomplishments.
I’m not sure if you have ever looked at it this way, but you are in constant battle with FEAR, to see who will succeed in achieving their goal. FEAR has a goal, and it is aimed at you. The goal of FEAR is to keep you safe, alive, and most importantly, to keep you in your comfort zone. It doesn’t matter what level in your life you are in. FEAR will always be there, and FEAR will always have the same three goals.
I do believe many people underestimate the tools and resources FEAR has. FEAR causes self-doubt, panic, stress, anxiety, sadness and anger. These are serious tools that are used by FEAR when it comes to derailing you at what you want to achieve. And you will always know when FEAR is there. And so will everyone else around you.
But how do you control FEAR. I’m not sure if you can actually conquer and remove FEAR, since it is a deep part of our psyche. I do believe you can re-manifest the energy of FEAR to a lower form to where you are more cautious than afraid. This is done by attaining awareness followed by knowledge. Remember, most of the times you afraid is because you don’t know what is on the other side of the door. Or what lurks it the darkness. If you work in an office and your boss or supervisor calls you into the office unexpectantly, do you feel any anxiety? Only to find out it was nothing.
Knowledge. Plain and simple. Try to recall all the times you was afraid of doing something, for whatever reason. And for those times you controlled your FEAR and did it, you saw how easy and fun it was. You probably thought, you should have done it sooner. But yet, FEAR to control of your life and determined the outcome for you.
To control your FEAR, find out what it is you are afraid of. Then go and discover what you don’t know about that FEAR. Until you fully understand what is manifesting that FEAR, you will always be held back. And when you look back to see who is holding the chain keeping you from your goal, you will only see yourself.
Please feel free to download one of my Life Formula flyers to remind you of the importance of controlling FEAR. You can locate the flyer at:
http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1468311/A-Path-To-Success-Life-Formula-Series-of-Fear-and-Self
If you have a related experience you would like to share with the other members, please feel free to post it on the wall. Your experience may help others who are unable to move forward.
Thank you for your attention and I look forward to hearing from you as always.
4 Steps to Improving Your Life
Only four things are needed to start improving the way you live your life and enjoy its benefits: challenge yourself mentally, improve your eating habits, become physically active, and turn off the TV. Tackling these four key areas may mean stepping out of your comfort zone, and that is never easy. Many people will perceive these steps as frightening, and fear may begin to build in their hearts and minds. But, by slowly pushing your boundaries, you will create a healthier lifestyle—one that promotes a more positive, successful outlook.
Step 1: Challenge Yourself Mentally
We cannot begin to enjoy life until we begin to challenge ourselves mentally. Mental activity keeps our minds sharp and agile. Challenging our mental abilities will provide access to new experiences, allowing us to learn new skills and cultivate new abilities.
How can we challenge ourselves? It can be as simple as playing Scrabble or doing crossword puzzles. Or, perhaps we can go back to school and discover something new to be passionate about. Or, maybe you would like to put aside a bit of time each day to read a book on an interesting topic.
Keep your media player nearby during the day, and load it up with various podcasts—whether talk shows, educational, or humorous programs—listening will allow you to keep your mind moving. Providing you can mentally multi-task, you may notice your workdays will seem shorter. Don’t forget to connect your media player to your car stereo while you are driving to and from work. Listening while on the road is a great way to utilize mass transportation.
Interacting with others, in an educational or professional environment, may lead to a career change, providing just the motivation you need to branch out in a new direction. Surround yourself with people who challenge you mentally. When you find yourself in a crowd, take the initiative, and be the first to say hello or to start a genuine and meaningful conversation.
Step 2: Improve Your Eating Habits
The best way to improve your eating habits is to develop healthy eating habits slowly. To accomplish this, you will need to execute due diligence. In other words, do your homework. You know what your current habits are. You must identify what negative habits you are encouraging and start to replace them with positive substitutes.
You are far more likely to gain health benefits from eating whole foods than by taking supplements in pill, capsule, or other forms. Once again, you will need to find what works best for you. Review all the processed foods you currently consume, and try to replace them with healthier foods containing fewer chemicals and additives.
At the very least, know what you’re eating. Look at the ingredients to see what could be contributing to your low levels of energy, your mood changes, or even your body odor. Your eating habits play a major part in the way you live your life.
There is a great deal of information available to help you in your research, and health care professionals specializing in health improvement are in every community, as well as on the Internet. Find what works for you, and take control. As you start to walk down the path of self-discovery, you will experience greater discipline and success, and you will enjoy your life more fully, when you improve your eating habits.
Step 3: Become Physically Active
In addition to keeping a heathy mind, engaging in a regular program of physical activity will help you maintain low stress levels. Cubicle workers are more susceptible to prolonged periods of stress, and prolonged exposure may eventually lead to chronic stress, causing you to feel depressed or anxious.
You don’t have to run a marathon, climb a mountain, or swim an ocean to be physically active. Pick an activity you enjoy, whether it’s yard work, playing a sport, biking, or even walking your dog. Do your best to exercise or engage in physical activity for at least 15-30 minutes most days of the week. When at work, take the stairs instead of the elevator. When you have a chance to take a break, instead of running to the coffee or snack machine, take a walk outside. Don’t be afraid to take a break from work to de-stress. Even if you have only a few minutes to yourself, use it to breathe deeply and relax.
Step 4: Shut off the T.V.
Turning off the television may perhaps not only be the most difficult step for many, but also the most important for all of us. Entertainment, “news,” and other programs do not always have our best interests at heart; many project impressionable images, thoughts, views, values, and opinions that are not our own. With the repetition of sound and images, as well as the long hours spent in front of the TV, we may begin to accept and adapt to these thoughts, views, values. In a family environment where children are being raised, television viewing can foster confusion and conflict, working against the teachings of your family values.
I do not wish to argue here whether, or how, television harms us, or if it is a probable cause of the breakdown of family and societal life—the concept will differ for each of us. A minority of people watch television only in moderation, but for the majority of us, TV has become a way of life, and we spend much of our free time as if we were surgically attached to the sofa, wishing our remote control devices were implanted directly our heads, allowing us to change channels at will.
The best way to see how television is affecting your life is to turn it off for one week. I challenge you—turn off your television for one week. You have nothing to lose! See how long you can go without TV, including television shows you view on your computer via the internet.
Replace television with steps one and three, above. See how your perception of your environment changes. See how your life will improve.
Where Do You Want To Go
You are left with two choices: you can live in status quo mode, because you feel you are satisfied with the way things are for now. If you agree to that philosophy, I’d like to ask you to see how long it takes before you to start complaining or stressing about something.
The other choice requires you to challenge yourself and become more creative with your life. Stepping out of your comfort zone will allow you to explore how creative your imagination can be. Your imagination can become a desire, and your desire can manifest into something great!
You do not have to be stressed all the time; you do not have to be depressed or worried. There is no reason for you be drained of energy at the end of the day. You control your life, and deep down inside you know that. Many people seem to forget this simple premise, allowing other people, events, and issues to control our lives.
As always, a change for the better begins when you decide it will—when you start to believe you possess the ability to make a change in your life.
Nothing in life happens, and nothing in life moves, unless there is a force acting upon it. Your desire to change is the only force you need to transform your life!
Creed of Empowerment
How many times have you given up control of your life to someone else. For whatever reason, why have you allowed someone to have power over your destiny in life. Unless you are in the Military or completely disabled, there are very few reasons why you should allow someone else to control your life.
From my discovery, I have learned, people who lack guidance, support, or self-esteem, will easily empower someone else with the ability to set the guiding principles and boundaries for them to live by. They fail to realize by empowering others over their lives, they will dramatically reduce the chances of them succeeding in the things they want to do.
The best way to regain control of your life, whether or not it is in the hands of someone else, is to define what boundaries you want live in. These operating boundaries will determine what you feel is the best way to live your life. They will define to you what is right and what is wrong.
These boundaries are based upon a set of principles which will reflect how you will want to behave within your environment. These principles will provide the necessary guidance to help you through times when you are at your weakest point. Not only a reminder of why we do what we do, but also as a foundation for us to stand on. This foundation, this set of principles, these boundaries are what make up a creed. A set of fundamental beliefs to provide us the guidance we need, to give us the support we seek, and to help us build our self-esteem to keep moving us forward in life.
As a Motivator and as a Coach, I have put together a set of principles and boundaries from my past experiences and from those who I have learned many things from. Unconsciously, these basic principles and boundaries have, and still do, help me get through the tough times in my life. And I wish to share this creed with you.
I do hope you find this inspirational and comforting. Use this creed as a catalyst to overcome any challenges which may present itself to you. Hang it where you will always see it. Do not just memorize the words, but learn to live its meaning.
No one is better than I am, and I am not better than anyone else.
What separates me from others is my determination to succeed, my willingness to endure difficulties, and my ability to be a backbone of support for those who will benefit.
I will always conduct myself in a manner I can be proud of, regardless of my situation, and by doing so, I will gain self-confidence and earn the respect of others.
I will always surround myself with successful people who are a positive influence in my life.
I will always believe in myself uniquely and strive towards excellence.
I will always treat those around me with respect and dignity.
I will always exercise initiative by acting appropriately and by remembering what my responsibilities are to myself, my family, and my community.
